Communication begins with a cry in infancy. It’s a skillful way to meet our needs and get what we want.
It’s interesting to consider that most of our communication (I’m resisting an unresearched percentage here) is based on the same motivation. Give it a thought.
You might become altruistic and counter with, “But I want to make you happy.” Yet, beyond “I want” having been clearly stated – you are still communicating about a goal. Consider that most of the time in business we are communicating about goals.
Now, some of us try very hard to fashion our communication at work not to be a demanding cry as if our life depended on it. Many of us have been conditioned from infancy to regulate the feeling and the delivery of the request. Some, more effectively than others.
There is nothing wrong with having goals. They move us forward in life and business. To want is a necessary biological response. However, without regulation, it creates problems to the extent of war and genocide.
Social science and neuroscience have shown that focusing on a goal reduces empathy. Yet empathy and its greater counterpart, compassion support us in getting what we want without collateral damage. They are the conduit to rational and engaging communication.
All it really takes is to remember to be sincerely interested in the well-being, and respectful of the interests of the recipient of the communication, in relation to your goal. To care.
You just have to remember that having a goal decreases empathy and open your heart. We are all capable of that.